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Parents play a very important role in their child’s tennis activity, regardless of the child’s level of participation. For the child, there is a big difference between learning the basics of the game at a recreational level and competing successfully at an international level. The role of the parent is especially critical in successfully bridging this gap.
However, for most parents having a child compete at the elite level is a new experience. Very few parents of tennis players have themselves experienced competing in tennis at the highest international level. Heeding to the advice of professionals such as coaches and former champions can help ease some of the emotional and physical stress, pressure and burnout that many children can experience.
Research has shown that a parent’s positive support and reinforcement is crucial to the child’s continued participation in the sport. Added unnecessary pressures from the parents inevitably lead to either the child dropping the sport or a strained child/parent relationship.
The following information is designed to help you become a better tennis parent by recognizing exhibited behaviours that may adversely affect your child’s tennis experience.
Critical Factors For Successful Tennis Parenting
Unconditional Love and Support
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Treat your child as your son or daughter first, and as a tennis player second.
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Know the qualities you want your child to possess – respectfulness, kindness, integrity, etc.
Reciprocal Empathy
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Understand and respect the important roles both parent and child play
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Appreciate the commitment level your child is making
Open Communication
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Be patient and encourage open dialogue.
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Listen to your child and encourage conversation beyond tennis.
Understand Your Role
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Clearly define your boundaries and stick to them
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Refer to your child’s success rather than your own. Avoid saying “we won”
Be Firm but Fair
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Expect good behaviour and discipline accordingly
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Be consistent with discipline
Seek Expert Advice
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The coach is the professional. Listen to the coach’s advice
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Surround your child with other expert professionals – doctor, physio, fitness trainer, etc
Encourage a Balanced Life
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Ensure your family has a life outside of tennis
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School is important. Encourage good academics and other interests
Set Realistic Goals
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Recognise your child’s goals and aspirations. Don’t let them become your own
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To minimise failure, make sure goals are realistic and attainable
Focus on Development
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Focus on the big picture. The goal is a career beyond Junior Tennis
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Make decisions that will impact long-term development
Love of the Game
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Make sure your child has a passion for the game and that it is their own rather than yours
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Focus on the fun aspects of tennis
Olympic athletes listed the positive support of family and friends as the second most important component of their success. Dedication and persistence was listed as number one.
Do's And Don'ts For Parents
Do: Provide love and support regardless of the match outcome.
Don’t: Criticise your child for his or her tennis performances.
Do: Hold emotionally intelligent tennis discussions.
Don’t: Focus the majority of conversations at home on tennis.
Do: Hold realistic expectations.
Don’t: Treat your child differently dependent upon whether there is a win or loss.
Do: Compare your child’s progress with his or her capabilities and goals.
Don’t: Compare your child to other children and their abilities.
Do: Emphasise player development and fun over winning and rankings.
Don’t: Focus on short-term results/rankings rather than long-term development of your child.
Do: Expose your child to different sports and activities.
Don’t: Consider your child’s tennis as an investment for which you should receive something in return.
Do: Encourage your child to display good behaviour, manners and respect for others.
Don’t: Turn a blind eye. Hold your child accountable for poor behaviour and discipline accordingly.
Do: Allow your child to have a “say” in tennis decisions.
Don’t: Dominate discussions and decisions regarding your child’s tennis.
Do: Encourage your child to be independent and responsible for tennis preparation.
Don’t: Do everything for your child.
Do: Let your child be his or her own decision-maker on the court.
Don’t: Coach from the sidelines.
Do: Be aware of your reactions while your child is competing – be positive or neutral.
Don’t: React negatively or too emotionally.
Learn From Others
Alicia Molik:
My parents would rarely come and watch me practice. It was something that I did and was self driven.
Tiger Woods:
One of the things that my parents have taught me is never listen to other people’s expectations. You should live your own life and live up to your own expectations, and those are the only things I care about….My dad always taught me these words, ‘share and care’.
Michael Jordan (NBA Champion):
My heroes are and were my parents. I can’t see having anyone else as my heroes... I never thought a role model should be negative.
Andre Agassi:
It is fair to say that what I wanted was for my father to be my father, not a tennis coach or mentor.
Earl Woods (Tiger’s father):
The idea of me as a controlling father is 180 degrees from the truth. It was never a question of me forcing Tiger to play golf. Everything came from him. We transcended the father-son thing when he was five. We became best friends, equals. The normal way of things is that the father is always in command. That wasn’t the case with us because when we went to a golf tournament, I would be the father until [Tiger] signed in, then Tiger took over as the father and I was the son. He would tell me what time we had to get there, when his tee-time was; he learned to compute travel time, warm-up time and practice time. After the tournament was finished, he would always practice. He would tell me when it was time to go home, and then as we were checking out of the hotel or going to the airport, our roles reversed back again. I became the father again.
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